…of divers topics lately arisen within my sphere:
Advancement
Blood, mine (again)
Consciousness, the question of
Employment
Exam preparation
Expansion, activity participation
Faith, questions of
Family, fundamental trade-offs
Friends, new and old
Growth, personal
Imperative, Kantian
Purpose, eternal
Swordplay, brilliant
It’s not the life we would have chosen, but it is the life we have made for ourselves.
Things are tentatively set to be really great / tough on the employment front. I shan’t too closely calculate my flightless avians until we’ve reached an appropriately post-gestational point.
Hope to have some presentations and surprises re: HEMA prepped in a week or two. I imagine it’s not much of a priority for anyone but me, nowadays, given where we all are in our respective lives, but I’d like to share it anyway.
And finally, it’s been quietly exhilarating to know that my secular humanist faith has been tested and found sufficiently robust. Many atheists and less rigorous believers in science find in times of crisis that theirs is a brittle faith when they suffer too-great personal loss or challenges. It sometimes gives spontaneous rise to some sort of home-grown agnosticism, and possibly eventual conversion.
But I feel.. well, blessed, if you will, that I’ve successfully upheld my faith in the god of Science. That is, science as a metaphysical philosophy. It can be a tough reconciliation to make, in the face of multiple deaths and personal losses, difficulties, etc.
Apparently, I made mine years ago, b/c I’ve weathered recent events with an almost indecent aplomb. I had moments of doubt, wondering whether I was just callous and insensitive to e.g. my parents’ problems. Objectivity can seem heartless, but I have the best reasons I can find for the manner in which I’m helping them — which no longer means doing what they want me to do. There’s no calm postgame here — it *is* tough, and we’re not nearly done yet.
And a lot of my strength to face it has come from the fatalistic belief that we are all ultimately in a zero-sum game. It has led others to nihilism, cynicism, Gen X angst, or emo (goth, punk, or grunge in earlier eras). But I think the billion-year death throes of our planet’s constant decline are beautiful.
As the sun dies ever so slowly, it indiscriminately casts its prodigious energy into the void. The merest ray happens to glance off our planet, which itself is slowly cooling from its fiery birth to a lifeless, cold end. Ancient light fed and induced unthinkably random molecules and compound substances to recombine again and again, until seeds and squirrels, mushrooms and mammoths, sea cucumbers and swords, and pretty girls in short skirts all came about.
Now we have chemical combinations existing in such complex dynamic stability that they each perceive themselves as a gestaltic consciousness beyond mere molecular reactions. We have created sorrow, war, religion, anger, joy, romance, spoken word poetry, and whimsy. It’s like a firework rocket that explodes and cascades into countless swirling submunitions — they all flicker out after a too-brief flash of brilliance.
How is that *not* grand in its tragic elegance, its simultaneous sophistication and simplicity? A beautiful profusion of life inevitably headed for death.
And when it all ultimately ends someday, either when our star becomes a red giant, goes supernova, or beyond at the heat death of the universe, it’s okay. Because, for a brief billion-year instant, we existed.
So it comes back to us individually: No death is cause for grief, because it means we existed for a short while. That is our wyrd, and it is the wyrd of our gods. All that remains is how we go to meet it. Concern yourself only with what’s within your power to effect; don’t worry about what you can’t affect. Live the best life you can, always growing, learning, doing, screwing up. Be satisfied with what you’ve done, who you are, but never settle. Difficulties and failures serve to teach, and thus are natural parts of our existence. There can be no stasis so long as there is time.
So what is consciousness, then? A computer runs on on/off bits, zeroes and ones. Put gajillions of them together, and you get… an electronic copy of the entire corpus of Shakespeare’s work. Hydroelectric turbine performance figures. Rag doll physics and first-person shooters of unnerving verisimilitude like CoD 4.
All of which is meaningless zeroes and ones without a human observer to interpret them in 32-bit color. A dog or a fly wouldn’t see all the color and detail of the computer screen.
The natural world would similarly be meaningless without a human observer to appreciate fresh spring breezes, smog-tinted rosy sunsets. Glass-sheathed skyscrapers and Argentinian tango are just as natural, though we usually and arbitrarily call man-made artifacts unnatural or artificial. All of our endeavors are natural, because we’re part of the natural world. There is nothing unnatural in the universe, because it all *is*. And we can each say about ourselves: “I am.”
In their own way, maybe that’s what the ancient Hebrews were trying to capture — that sense of the self — in their simpler, pre-Kierkegaardian language.
And when it all dies or burns, it will be. What is, is natural. Nothing to regret about a lifeless lump of rock — because who will be around to regret it?
But I am working at living a rockin’ life long before we get to that point, and to ensure the best possible quality of life for my spiritual or genetic descendants.
More linkage.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loudness_war
http://www.schlockmercenary.com/d/20080523.html
This is a brilliant metaphor for my recent work actions — solving problems with clients by means of the exuberant application of violence and reason in carefully-metered portions.
The only consequences that matter are the ones you wanted.
Well, I say that, but I don’t believe it. It’d be more accurate when rendered as:
Nothing doesn’t matter.
Which is nothing like what I say. But that’s the kind of hypocrisy I can live with.
…Or just crazy.
[People not interested in HEMA can skip down to web links of late. Be forewarned that this entry reads like a Joseph Conrad story printed on cheap, splintery Soviet TP.]
Gawd, CAS Iberia put out some awful thing on sword and shield combat. I won’t link it, b/c it doesn’t deserve any more viewings. It’s already ranked 1/5 on YouTube, thankfully.
OTOH, www.achillemarozzo.it has a number of YouTube clips posted on sword and buckler, round shield, and single.
User Tossetoke has some very cool vids extrapolating Viking shield combat from German fechtmanual techniques. I’ve seen articles before (by e.g. Paul Wagner), but this is the first accurate set of clips I’ve seen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXPujfwQJUg
Or you can do a search for HEMAC 2008 vids. Three guys have posted a fair number of bouts from the longsword tournament. Some terrible footwork, some decent demonstrations of skill (timing, distance, etc.)… Maybe I’ll go next year and show ‘em how an Asian fences. I’ll be the Cuong Le of HEMA!
Other web links perused of late:
http://members.aol.com/illinewek/faqs/casting.htm
http://www.theodoregray.com/periodicTable/Stories/030.1/index.html
http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/askasci/eng99/eng99519.htm
http://www.rc-soar.com/tech/casting.htm
How the hell can you consume 2900 calories in a single drink?! Most days, I struggle to reach 2200 (assuming crude estimates of 1200 for my main meal, 300 in nuts and dried fruit, and 800 in milk / OJ / assorted no-sugar-added fruit juices).
http://www.menshealth.com/eatthis/20-Worst-Foods/index.php
http://health.yahoo.com/experts/eatthis/5027/americas-unhealthiest-drinks-exposed/
http://health.yahoo.com/weightloss-motivation/how-to-lose-weight-like-a-guy/prevention–23299.html
Go, market corrections.
http://promo.realestate.yahoo.com/five-cities-with-biggest-decline-in-home-values.html
This was happy good webtrawling for combating depression. Started off innocently enough, with searches for ballistic ceramic.
http://www.armorusa.com/Ballistic%20Ceramic%20Composite.htm
This led to a thirst for greater understanding of what NATO peacekeepers can do to misbehaving targets.
http://www.dec.fct.unl.pt/projectos/impacto/Public_Papers/Report%20on%20Ceramic.pdf
The average insurgent often experiences difficulty in procuring B4C ceramic / aramidic-weave polyethylene fiber plates. Morbid curiosity prompted the search for ways to evaluate bullet performance on flesh.
http://www.myscienceproject.org/gelatin.html
In the name of science, the expression denoting unfeasibility “…like nailing Jell-O to a wall,” had to be assessed for veracity.
http://www.myscienceproject.org/j-wall.html
A side jaunt into enzymatic interactions and effect on proteins was called for here.
http://learn.genetics.utah.edu/units/activities/proteins/advice.cfm
Busting adages with the liberal application of science.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MythBusters_%28season_2%29#Needle_in_a_Haystack
Then a resumption of the descent into madness and the merely insipid.
http://www.myscienceproject.org/beer.html
By random link association.
http://www.myscienceproject.org/viagra-flowers.html
The very heart of darkness.
http://www.myscienceproject.org/condoms.html
If you read this far, you need to get a life. If you followed every link, someone should take you out to the pasture and put you out of your misery.
That said, I leave you with a cliffhanger:
The past two months have seen WW I-era Gallic quantities of angst, resignation, fear, sweat, tears, and blood (*mostly* internal lacerations). The blood was from HEMA practices. Everything else was not. Within another month, I should either have stupid-good news, or I’ll be evicted from the poorhouse and put in a Frigidaire box.
It could be worse — I could still be doing door-to-door sales.
http://xkcd.com/59/
And a friend posted this excerpt on his xanga blog as part of the latest meme:
5th sentence of p. 123 of the closest book at hand, plus the next three sentences…
When counselors assume that one value system (their own) is superior and preferable to another; they engage in ethnocentric behavior that is insensitive the their clients’ worldviews. Ethnocentrism can easily occur in career development interventions when counselors assume that individualistic and self-sufficient actions are preferable to collectivistic actions reflecting interdependence and group loyalty. Individualists use individual attitudes, private interests, and personal goals to guide their behavior, whereas collectivists rely on shared interests, group norms, and common goals to inform their decision making (Hartung, Speight, & Lewis, 1996). For many people the emphasis on individualism found within numerous theories of career development generated in the United States does not mesh with worldviews in which the family or group is the principal arbiter of appropriate occupational choices.
From Career Development Interventions in the 21st Century by Spencer G. Niles and Jo Ann Harris-Bowlsbey.
Or to put it more succinctly and confrontationally:
This is not yo’ life!
You are not the boss of me!
Seriously, though, I’m usually guilty of projecting my own values and preferences onto others’ decisions. In any of the three forms above, I ought to take this advice to heart. As should we all.
A caveat: Variety and perspectives are important, though, and I often (reluctantly) find value in hearing POVs that contrast with or contradict mine. So the trick is to share (or receive) my and others’ POVs without subsuming one in the other.
/soapbox
Man, that was one of my favorite lines from previous productions (’96 and ‘04). Well, at least the ‘08 Hello, Hamlet show gives a lot of songs the old heave-ho — the show was starting to look a little long in the tooth. I think Grease and a bunch of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s tired recyclings of Barbara Streisand are getting the collegiate spoof treatment.
[OMG (and I say that non-ironically) — that dig at ALW was a completely random stab in a dark room with a new moon. And I squarely skewered the grand poobah’s liver. Google it for yourself.]
Trivial goings on further below. First, some soul-scourging and rokking out.
The nutshell:
I rock!
Everything rocks!
Wait, no. Backyard fu sucks hairy, unwashed monkey nuts. But everything else still rocks. (the Three Stooges, cheese, concealed handgun licenses, and sunsets among all other things — but only one of these mentioned items actually bears on this month’s mega-post. See if you guess right.)
(So I lied; no soul-scourging today. Whaddya do? :P)
(more…)
Our consulting project client canceled the meeting (set a month in advance!) due to last-minute commitments. For obvious immediate business reasons, we’re not #1 on their priority list. Knowing doesn’t make it any less awkward, though.
Rescheduling is hell, the team’s going ape. Everyone’s saying, “I can’t make it on XYZ date.” Which rules out all of next week. So I’m focusing just on the presenters’ availability (b/c I caught some hell for alternatives, like repeating Farheen’s request that I sub in for her). Which still nearly rules out all of next week.
Steve *still* hasn’t gotten back to us for several days (understandable, b/c he’s hosting some client from Beijing), so we can only continue to assume that we can’t go past the 14th (that being graduation at 7 p.m.)
For that matter, my !@#$ advisor still hasn’t informed me of whether I am on track to do so or not. I can never reach her. I’ve filled out all the apps and forms I’ve known about. This is why I’ve avoided that woman for 3.5 years, and gone to the other, much more diligent, but alas overloaded, advisor. Unfortunately, she’s officially assigned to me, so … it is what it is. So long as I get that piece of paper and transcript record in the next 6 months, I’ll be fine.
In other news…
First run-through of the fight choreography went really well. Took about an hour, everyone was happy with it. Seems feasible within time / ability constraints. Good room for comedic elements. Director and producer were majorly psyched (bouncing up and down in chairs) for the two climaxes of the fight. So nothing major to change. Just fixing the blocking such that the singing actor (it’s a duet / fight scene) ends up facing audience for his lines.
Cool new link for my job hunting:
http://www.sustainablebusiness.com/jobs/
You have to figure that someone whose first business e-mail to you refers to you as “cowboy” and himself as “snake” is a little flamboyant and laid back.
Sure enough, my client interview for the Project That Won’t End was pretty cool. Basically, the CIO and I should have gotten together and hammered things out 3 weeks ago. That’d have been nice. Then again, 3 weeks ago, we didn’t have what we have now. He and our team had already independently worked out almost all of the same conclusions. In fact, he took us further than we’ve gone, on a few points.
So as we’ve privately speculated, and he has now confirmed, we are effectively playing at pros from Dovers. He wants us to make our boldest pie-in-the-sky recommendations, and sell the client’s upper management on the deal. Then when they look at him and ask, “Can we do this?”, he’ll just sit there wearing a big, shit-eating grin. He admitted he wants to use us to prod upper management into making some bold moves. His IT boys have been just waiting for the word “go.”
If all self-professed redneck nerds are as easy to get along with as him, then the world is indeed a wonderful place.
And to further sweeten the deal today, both my Rice guys really came through for me, based on a mere week’s acquaintance.
Will arranged for some excellent shop time — he cut out 11 aluminum sword blanks on a heavy-duty bandsaw in Ryon Lab, in 25 minutes. That’s, I don’t know, probably 20% the time it would have taken me with what I have. And with cuts straight as an arrow, too.
Charles has taken to the longsword material like a Russian to vodka. He brought two new people, who both seemed to really dig it. Obviously, the 3-month milestone still looms far ahead, but for now, things are looking up.
Job training at Kaplan is proceeding apace. One more session, some paperwork and etc. to handle, one class observation, and then I should be starting forthwith. Saturday classes are not in short supply, so I think I’m set even if I get hired for a for-real position sooner than I expect.
After the final client presentation on 12/6, resources currently allocated to the Hell Project will be retasked to career planning / real job hunting.
And after Kaplan training ends, I’ll be able to go back to Tuesday UH practices. Woot.
When the hell will I find the 66 hours to finish up the 11 aluminum wasters? Uh.. Yeah. I don’t know. With higher priority issues on the table, it’ll probably be 3-4 months before I get through them all. Got some gauntlets and a helm to wrap up, first, anyway.
Oh, an interesting sidenote: The shop supervisor observed that 7075 is government-grade aircraft aluminum. He figured that 6061 would have been plenty good, and for easily half the price. But hey, the 7075 will rock out for a long time to come — if it’s good enough for the F-23, it’s good enough for us. :) So Shea and soon-to-be Conner have high-end aluminum waster blades, even if the hilts are despicably rough.
Weird experiences lately. But hopefully my scanty readership will find this entry a bit more level-headed than some of my more … unhinged rantings of late. Sorry I’ve been such a meat sack of emotions. Actually, no, I’m not sorry. I’m not answerable to any of you people for how I feel. :P
Moving on… Ever since Irene introduced me to MoveOn.org (a ha, ha, ha), I’ve kept up a bit more on what our govt’s been doing on the clean energy front. It started off mostly b/c I wanted to independently confirm that MoveOn’s calls to action were in fact in my own best interests.
And so, while I could do without a war and further saber-rattling, I only pitch in on the clean energy stuff. I’ve called my representatives a couple times now about HR 3221, and pretty soon they’re going to be like, “Somebody block this guy.”
From other sources, I also pitch in on the net radio issue.
Well, it’s gotten me to read the news more often, even if it is primarily searching Google news for “energy bill” and “internet radio”.
To personally do some real good, though, I’ve heard from Mark, Chris, and an archi college friend David about current real opportunities in environmentally-related business. And Myfanwy, Colsith, and Pug gave me a lead, some helpful info over the weekend. Most of it is going down in the energy and construction sectors, with brown field and water (waste or otherwise) treatment coming in behind them. And the current state of the industry is that many people with years of other professional experience (as project managers, consultants, etc.) are coming to the green industry. It’s not big or mature enough on its own to have dedicated entry-level positions.
One thing in particular I’m starting to read up on is LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) certification. Becoming a LEED-AP (Accredited Professional) is a very desireable thing, as a consequence of requirements in the Sarbanes-Oxley Act regarding transparency in reporting on environmental risks that may impact business value for investors. So all the roaches are scuttling to clean up or cover up their problems.
Whether my career interests can be served now or later by getting LEED-accredited, is what I’m trying to figure out.
I found out last night that a friend of a friend (let’s call him Erik) has finally begun climbing out of his funk. He was all broken up about his last girlfriend. Leaving details out, it was a story made for daytime TV. He was really better off without her, but he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Erik used to be really shy, and kind of overweight, but at some point became a bit of a player. I’ve always wondered, though, whether his mad dog attitude was a façade for the shy, insecure kid who never quite fully became the thug I’ve feared him to be. I won’t ask him, though, b/c he once got in a fight where the other guy started beating Erik’s head into the ground, and on every bounce, Erik would scream he was going to fuck the guy’s [fill a relative in the blank]. Or there was the time some guy was talking smack in the locker room, and Erik covered 10 feet in literally less than the blink of an eye — he had his thumb on the guy’s eyeball when he asked for an apology.
He’s been through some rough times, lately. Lost his job, girlfriend, bills started going overdue. So I was glad to hear he’d gotten a new job — he’s a Terminix guy now. Didn’t sound like much at first. I mean, he gets to hit all the dark, dirty, secret corners of local restaurants, and on the sly gives his friends a pretty thorough review of which ones to eat at (Pappa’s restaurants, corporate McDonald’s), and which ones to not patronize (under no circumstances whatsoever go to the one near Saks Fifth [will reconfirm and fill in later] in the Galleria).
Then I found out online what a pest control technician makes starting out: around $35k base + up to $10k productivity bonuses + customer contract renewal bonuses, so call it around $45k. OK, I’m extremely glad he’s working things out now, growing up and calming down a bit. There were times we thought he wouldn’t live to see 27. But … Tuppin’ liberty.
Ach… What the hell have I been doing with my time? Just brush up my fast-talking skills a bit, polish up my game, and go kill me some bugs.
And he’s not even licensed yet. That’ll probably worth a bit more.
Now with my education and work experience… Why, by gum, I could really drive a hard bargain… “Hey, I know you guys are hiring, but what can you offer me? I mean, I’m pretty with it. Got a solid business background. I can do your books, interface with customers, do some fact-finding and research to identify their needs and how we can design a service or product to fit their budget and requirements.”
Then I’d hit ‘em with *my* requirements. “Yeah, well, for all that, I’m not going to settle for less than … $47k!”
“Plus I get to drive the company truck!”
“And maybe throw in some stickers, too!”
Yeah, I’d be a real catch. Going places few others get to see. (Nevermind whether they *want* to.)
That’s direction, right? Terminix is big, with lots of opportunities. As long as people eat out, there’ll be restaurants. And where there are restaurants, there are vermin. So it’s pretty secure. I’d be a real career man.
And I could transfer anywhere Terminix operates — Austin, Dallas, and points beyond.
Ach, teufel.
I’m glad for him, I really am.
I’m just disgusted with myself.
Maybe I’ll pitch the whole sodding lot and go be a stock boy at Whole Foods.
Fuck it.
Ξ November 12th, 2007 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Work |
And lo, the angels did sing paeans and alleluias, for Dakao hath found a new job.
Kaplan accepted me. I was pretty confident they’d take me, since I had easily gotten into the Princeton Review years ago, but I didn’t want to jinx this app. At least 10 hrs / wk pretty assured, with somewhere around 3-5 times what I make hourly at EM. Training starts tomorrow evening, so once again I’ll disappear from Tuesday practices. But this means either same pay for 1/3 the time and 1/5 the physical effort, or 3 times the pay at current amount of time invested.
So go tup a stoat, Cydcor, and good riddance to ye! I talked to the HR person at EM about giving notice for a week or whatever, and she was caught entirely by unsurprise (duh, given the turnover rates I’ve observed); she said it could be effective immediately.
Given that I might have earned another $20 or so this afternoon, I leapt at the chance to get off the pavement (it’s been kinda warm except in the shade). For good (and just in time — there are rumors of another commission rate cut).
Thus do I dredge up a treasure trove of time for some serious career research this holiday season, like unto raising the Lusitania from the watery depths in time for St. Rohild’s festival. (In the Renaissance, she was the patron saint for failed students of natural science, who had then sought solace in a classical education)
And it immediately gives me an extra 2 hrs today to pitch in on my team’s Defense Industry portfolio analysis presentation.
Anon, fair green Eire, land of happy wars and sad loves, I will yet find my way into your waiting arms, for I was destined to be with thee. (you wags have always said I was Irish)
Well, Woden’s night may yet see the one-week wake for chances lost, for lovelorn fools who knew not what they did… By happy chance, I have a near-full handle of the vilest vodka our debased USD can buy (a jest — I intended it for field-sterilizing my fencing gear!). But that’s for a day other than today.
This is me, gleefully dancing a jig on my way to school.
P.S. Anyone who got this far will know that I’m going to burn in a hell I don’t believe exists for my immoderate fabrications about Christianity.
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